I'm gonna have a badass scar
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
