Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
