We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Damn victory sex feels great
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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