i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize