Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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