There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
