I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
