what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize