Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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