I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
