Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
