dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
