Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
