RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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