i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
