New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
