She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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