Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
