Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
