I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
