i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
