I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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