i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
