She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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