Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
tell me about the eggs
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
