does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
