A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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