Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
