we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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