She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How external is "for external use only"?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
