His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize