Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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