Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
