I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize