3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
