Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
