I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
