Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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