You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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