He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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