I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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