Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
