there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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