I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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