she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
