in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize