Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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