Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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