just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
