a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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