yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
