Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
