yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize