I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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