I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
