I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize