belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If I die, sorry about rent.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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