so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize