i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
