mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
