Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize