I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
