YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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