It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
