So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
