what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
