I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize