we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
this is an emotional support booty call
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
