Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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