Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
