ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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