Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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