Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
