I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
