I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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