wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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