I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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