so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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